Do you have a power struggle that's straining your marriage? Let's go back to the basics.
If you want to have a healthy, happy marriage then you have to be equal partners that are committed to each other and your marriage.
It doesn't matter what you both brought to you marriage and it doesn't matter what you contribute, you are both equal and equality is the only way that you will get the best out of your marriage.
Don't forget that being equal partners you have an equal responsibility for making your marriage work.
At least this is how your marriage should be, unfortunately not everyone has a healthy view of marriage and some people, both male and female have something in themselves that compels them to dominate the marriage.
If you are one of those, then you need to know how to handle the power struggle that's straining your marriage to breaking point.
In a marriage each spouse has their own particular wants and needs that need to be met in order for them to get what they need out of their marriage.
If a spouse is denied their needs then they will not get what they need from the marriage and that will lead to resentment, and the spouse that is being deprived could start to wonder where is the point of the marriage.
Some people find it difficult to make the transition from single life to married life.
When they made decisions they only had to worry about how it affected them, obviously now that they are married they have to consider the needs of their spouse.
They find the concept of sharing alien to them and the loss of control over how they can order their life as intolerable.
And of course you also get those who are naturally domineering.
If you want your marriage to survive then you have to work together, you have to make decisions that are good for the whole and not the individual.
But just because you have to work together it doesn't mean that you have to give up your own identities.
Now that you are married it's even more important that you also have your own life and that you can still do your own things, it also makes your marriage a lot more interesting.
There are people, and we have probably all known some who always have to be right, who always have to win every argument, who always have to control what happens.
If you have one of these as your spouse then you'll know all about the power struggle that's straining your marriage.
Arguments if used properly can be highly beneficial to your marriage because they highlight issues that need resolving, and you can both work together to deal with your issues and then move on.
The problem with people who are caught up in their own self-righteousness is that they cannot conceive that they are wrong.
There maybe be tricks in the Magic of Making Up that you can use but otherwise you will have to talk things through and possibly go to marriage counselling.
The problems usually kick in when a decision has to be made and the domineering spouse will work at forcing their opinion through, no matter how right or wrong it is.
The real power struggle kicks into being when you have one spouse who has to run the marriage.
You can handle those who just want to be right all the time, but those who want to run it all are a lot more serious a problem.
If you look at the behaviour of a spouse who has to have their own way time and time again, irrespective of the other spouse's needs, one word springs to mind, abuser.
It might not be physical abuse, but where one spouse seeks to dominate the other it is emotional abuse.
In order to handle the power struggle you need to talk to your spouse about their behaviour and how it is affecting you.
If you can establish a root cause then that makes it easier to deal with, otherwise you need to be able to change how they think.
Listen to what they have to say, you need to try to make them understand how it makes you feel, then try to find a way forward.
But whatever the outcome of your talk, if you want your marriage to survive then they have to learn how to compromise, and how to make sacrifices for the good of the relationship.
If your spouse is unable or unwilling to compromise then you have a problem.
If they are willing to try counselling then you could try that, but if they are unable to understand within themselves that their behaviour is wrong then you have to consider the viability of your marriage.
Power struggles in marriage are destructive both to the marriage and the spouse who is being forced to surrender their will.
If you keep surrendering your will then it will break you and you will lose your sense of who you are, your individuality and your self-esteem, which will make for a miserable existence.
Resentment at your treatment could well drive a wedge between you and you will end up in the divorce courts.
How do you handle a power struggle that's straining your marriage? With the utmost urgency because the longer it takes for you to do something, the more comfortable your spouse will become in their behaviour, and the more secure they will feel in their belief that they are right.
No one person has the right to determine what happens in your marriage, that's just not healthy! Your domineering spouse has to learn how to compromise and to share the running of the marriage as you are not their servant.
If you can't make them see that then counselling might help? Until they can share their lives with you then your marriage will continue to race downhill.
I wish that I could say something more positive, but either your domineering spouse learns to rejoin the real world, or for your own quality of life and possibly that of your children's, you will have a hard decision to make.