With divorce rates at close to a world record, parterapi (Danish for couples therapy) is a little word of vital importance to many couples in tiny Scandinavian Denmark.

Many people I've asked, see parterapi as a last ditch effort prior to divorce. Dissatisfied and disgruntled for a long time, one may have tried with long talks and arguments. Nothing helps. One may have spoken with friends and relatives, priests and bartenders - good advice is hard to find. Eventually one is close to giving up.

Parterapi is the last resort in an attempt to save a relationship on the downslide. Many also perceive having to pay for help, to make a loving relationship work, as a defeat. And it's probably expensive as well. . .

Upon arrival at therapy, it often turns out that the expectations, far from shared, are quite different for the two participants. For some, it is already over and only the tidying up remains. Help (or courage) is needed to end an often painful existence. Some arrive unwilling to participate but unable to decline being "dragged" there by the other - unwilling or unable to refuse to taking part in what may be a fruitless rescue attempt.

Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy realtionship they had before it all went wrong.

- And they come to the couples therapist and are told that there is no magic cure. They, themselves, will have to do the work, and the help they can get comprises support and guidance in (re)building a trusting and loving relationship. They are told that it will take time and hard work, that they will experience progress and relapses, laughter and tears, frustration and - above all - that it will require courage.

Courage is needed to open up and reveal one's thoughts and aspirations to another. It takes courage to share feelings, to allow another to see one's strengths and weaknesses. And it takes courage to open oneself to another, vulnerable and without the protection one has built up over a lifetime.

It is hardly surprising that so many give up after only a few tries. Or never come to begin with.

For those who make it through, the pain and effort are well worth the reward. An increase in self confidence, self assurance and optimism about the relationship and about life in general are often the result. The couple leaves equipped with strategies for ways of solving problems and disagreements and smoothing out difficulties. They gain insights into their own resources and into new ways of confronting each other, life and the world around them. They learn to treasure their differences.

And they often ask themselves in the end: "Why did we wait so long?", "Why didn't we do this before?", "Just think of all the time we have spent in frustration, how much we could have achieved if we'd done this long ago?" , "If only we had known"