Some people just know how to push our buttons, and actually seem to enjoy it. If you are laid back, don't like confrontation or are just sensitive (like I am), dreading the snarky comments that are sure to come from your frenemy/crazy uncle/estranged stepmother can cause serious stress -- and threaten to ruin your perfectly lovely holiday gathering.
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How Making Music Reduces Stress
When she needs relief from the grind of delivering major proposals, Dana Marlowe, 33, of Washington, D.C., makes some noise. "I cruise right into my toddler’s playroom, and I just jam out with his toys -- the xylophone, the baby piano. I almost have 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' down," says Marlowe, a technology accessibility consultant.This kind of casual music-making can short-circuit the stress response, research shows, and keep it from becoming chronic. Stress starts in the brain and then...
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“Taking the bait [means] to allow someone to lower your level of integrity by letting them bait you into behavior that is beneath you,” says psychotherapist and upwave reviewer Terri Cole, LCSW. “This person who is baiting you is communicating with you... but they’re not saying what they actually mean.” For example, instead of telling you straight up that they’re mad at you for some reason, the baiter may criticize or mock everything from your cooking to your child-rearing abilities. (Of course, some baiters will articulate the problem -- but a festive occasion is hardly the time or place for a major family inquest. Awkward!)
What it comes down to is simple: You can’t control how other people act, but you can manage your reaction by taking a few simple steps.
Good: Practice Positive Thinking
In this scenario, the culprit is usually someone you can see coming from a mile away. Be ready for them! “You are the architect of all of your experiences -- including your holiday experience,” says Cole. “So decide up front that it’s going to be loving and amazing. Be unprovokable and unoffendable.” Make a conscious decision that, no matter what anyone says, you will have an amazing day. Not convinced? Research repeatedly reaffirms the idea that people who think positively reap emotional and health benefits for the long-term
Better: Take Yourself Out Of The Equation
There are a couple of ways to remove yourself from the situation. “There are things you can do that are logistical,” says happiness expert andupwave reviewer Bobbi Emel, MFT. “Be in another room, come late or leave early.” Emel also suggests deflecting the topic. “Move on to something else and try not to let those buttons be pushed,” she says.