Just suppose - that each of us has two selves, a true self and an ego self.
The true self was perfectly formed at birth but the ego self has developed as we grow older.
The two selves are held in balance, there is a tension between them.
At different times in our lives one or other "self" may have more influence over the way we live.
The ego self, but not the true self, will be affected greatly by our experience of life, particularly in the first few years.
Both 'selves' will be affected by our genetic inheritance.
The person we become and the way we develop is governed by the ever changing relationship between our two selves.
True Self The True Self has characteristics which never change.
It is trusting, hopeful, forgiving, generous, and at peace with itself.
It expects the best of others and knows nothing of deceit or intrigue.
The True Self is childlike, enjoying fun, laughter, music, dancing, every nuance of nature and every delight of human experience; but it does not shrink from pain accepting the bitter tragedies of life with deep sorrow.
Fearing nothing, it does not prepare for the future but accepts life as it comes and respects everything and everyone equally, without judgement.
Above all, it has a capacity for limitless love, awe and wonder and a sensitivity to that which is not physical.
The Ego Self The Ego Self is interested only in preserving the self.
It is cunning, anxious, cautious and seeks always to advance its own position whatever that requires.
Outwardly confident, it is insecure craving the approval and praise of its peers - it will do whatever is necessary to achieve the acclamation of others.
The Ego Self needs to belong - to a tribe, gang, country, class, race, political party or religion - without the acceptance of one of these it feels alone and lost.
It adopts the moral code of its chosen group to which it is fiercely loyal, provided its self interests are served.
The most important requirement for the Ego Self is that it is admired, respected, honoured and envied.
To be rich and famous is the pinnacle of its desire.
At birth the Ego Self is tiny but it soon starts to grow.
As baby becomes toddler and toddler becomes child the Ego Self plays a vital role in forming the whole person.
The True Self is another vital influence, as is the nature/nurture impact of inherited genes and upbringing.
The Ego Self continues to be a strong driving force well into adulthood, although, in a well balanced person, the True Self always plays a role.
Once full adulthood is reached the Ego Self has largely done its job and gradually starts to recede.
There is no set time for this to happen and sometimes a catastrophic life event will speed the process - a life crisis can greatly weaken the Ego Self in a matter of days.
A young person, robbed of his or her childhood through poverty or ill treatment, may reach this point prematurely.
The opposite is also true, it is not unknown for someone to reach retirement age with their Ego Self in full working order.
This is more common with the male of the species.
Perhaps this is what male initiation ceremonies are all about - knocking back some of the Ego Self to ensure that the cocky youth becomes a mature man.
It is interesting that girls don't seem to need such ceremonies but then women have to contend with childbirth and all that goes with it.
Provided the True Self is in a healthy state, an over developed Ego Self can be controlled, often through self knowledge and a good sense of humour.
Problems are more likely to occur when the True Self has been seriously neglected.
Then, it is like a precious gemstone that has become overlaid with layer upon layer of corrosive grime and which, over time, forms an impenetrable crust.
Although the True Self is still there it cannot be accessed, without first chipping away at the hard shell-like crust and to do so can be extremely hard and very painful.
However, on occasion that is just what appears to happen.
A life crisis, as already mentioned, can cause a sudden depletion of the Ego Self and, in the same way, some life changing event can cause a person to take whatever steps are necessary to re-discover the True Self.
So, who is the real me? I suggest it is an ever changing combination of all the forces affecting me, including the two "selves" outlined above.
I may remain static and unchanging but, always, there is the possibility of great change.
Note: I owe this theory to three writers in particular, although I may have misrepresented their ideas.
They are Richard Rohr, Gerard Hughes and Carl Jung.
I have presented this theory from a purely secular perspective but it could equally well be couched in religious terms.
I have come to the conclusion that there is little of real substance to divide the religions of the world and less than might be imagined between "believers" and honest atheists.
Ironically, religious fundamentalists and militant atheists appear to share common ground - both leave little room for doubt, or each other.