So here you are, caregiver to Dad.
Or Mom.
Or even Auntie Eunice.
You never thought you'd do it.
You're not quite sure you want to even now.
But here you are.
Well done, you.
Give yourself a really big pat on the back, or get your Mom, your dad or Auntie Eunice to help with that.
Soooooooo, how's it going? Did you designate yourself for the job? That's great.
Even if you were sort of semi-blackmailed and kid of gave in, good for doing this.
Now, let me share with you some of the rules that other people have come up with.
You don't have to have them all, and you may choose other ones, but here's a few to think about.
Rules for the Designated Caregiver: 1.
You make the daily decisions; 2.
You get the monthly budget to handle for everything involving care and your needs; 3.
You get an allowance for what you do.
And, no, free board and lodging is not payment.
Just for reference, being the only caregiver is, depending, at least $3,000 out on the realworld market; 4.
You go the the medical appointments, even if other family members go too.
Because you know what goes on really with the person you care for.
No-one else really does; 5.
You get regular time off; 6.
You get treated with respect.
These are a minimum.
Don't settle for less.
Now what can you do to keep life okay for you, as well as the person you care for.
Try these guidelines.
Guidelines for the Designated Caregiver: 1.
You put yourself first, in a good way; 2.
You educate yourself about your person's health issues; 3.
You learn how to become calm, relaxed and non self-blaming; 4.
You get a support community around you -- spiritual community, support group, friends, on-line friends; 5.
Keep a journal so you always have someone to listen.
You're a caregiver to an older person.
Make friends with death.
Learn about it, maybe attend a hospice training.
Wonderful for heart and spirit, I promise you.
Never tell yourself you couldn't bear it if Mom died -- she will.
We all will.
With normal statistics at work, your person will die before you.
Don't be afraid to think about it.
It's really okay.
You'll manage.
You'll see.
Do bring in hospice when you think the time may be approaching -- not within days, but within months.
You're a person too.
maybe your daily life is more constrained than it was.
Running Lehman's into the ground would definitely have been more exciting than walking the final walk with Mom.
So, take this time to do things you didn't have time for before.
Learn that language -- what was it? Oh yes, Swahili.
Well, this is certainly the time.
Study art from dvds and teaching courses.
Learn to paint.
Cook.
Do tai chi.
There's dvds for everything now.
Read.
Write.
Sing.
Dance.
Really the great thing about a caregiving day is you can do anything you want to do, more or less.
As long as no blood is shed.
Actually, to be honest, it's almost even better if your Mom actually has dementia because people with dementia don't really judge what we caregivers do.
Believe me there, I do know what I'm talking about.
So, heck, go for it.