The Affair You Don't Know You're Having
Are you in an Emotional Affair?
YOU'VE PROBABLY CROSSED THE LINE IF YOU...
- Touch your male friend in "legal" ways, like picking lint off his blazer.
- Pay extra attention to how you look before you see him. -
- Think crush-like thoughts like, He'd love this song!
- Tell him more details about your day than you do your partner.
- No longer feel comfortable telling your husband about this person and begin to cover up your relationship.
- Experience increasing sexual tension; you admit your attraction to him but also insist to yourself that you would never act on it.
IT'S ABOUT TO GET PHYSICAL WHEN YOU...
- Find yourself feeling vulnerable and turn to the other man for support rather than to your husband or a trusted relative or girlfriend.
- Accelerate the level of intimacy through sexual or suggestive talk over e-mail or the phone.
- Put yourself in a situation where the two of you could be alone.
TO FORTIFY YOUR MARRIAGE...
- Stay honest with your husband. Share with him all your hopes, triumphs, and failures — as well as your attractions and temptations, which will help keep you from acting on them.
- Make time for just the two of you on a regular basis — away from the kids, your friends, and family.
- Surround yourself with happily married friends who don't believe in fooling around. Having positive, emotionally connected role models will help you stay on track
"READERS REVEAL I KNEW I'D GONE TOO FAR WHEN. . ."
"The guy who I was flirting with regularly over e-mail attended the same event as me and my fiancé. When I introduced them, my face flushed as red as a tomato — I felt embarrassed and guilty about my fiancé meeting this guy, so I knew what I was doing was wrong." — Carolyn, 31, Westfield, NJ
"One drunken night, my best guy friend and I confessed we had always liked each other. He was a perfect gentleman and left my place before we crossed the physical line. The next day I was completely embarrassed and knew that I didn't want to jeopardize the relationship with my boyfriend so I ended the friendship. And now the boyfriend is my husband, so I'm glad I did." — Allie, 29, Yonkers, NY